deviant art

Deviant Login
Buy ArtBuy T-Shirts & Gear Buy adCast Buy Premium Membership
Shop		  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
GuiltWhat did I do?
Why is it wrong?
I feel it deep inside
Jerking me along

Piling up like bricks
Inside of my chest
As I lay here dying
I can not yet rest

As the movie of my story
Sits on replay in my head
I see all that I've done
And all that I've misread

I see all that I did wrong
All the mistakes that I've made
And all those times I hurt you
Just cut me like a blade

They won't leave me alone
Ghost hauntings of my past
Yet I cannot remember
What I did to be harrassed

I see them once again
At the corners of my eyes
They'll drag me down to Hell
To where madness is no surprise
NothingStaring at empty ceilings
Why do they all look the same?
No longer can I hear the ticks
Of clockworks counting down
Or the ticking of my damaged heart
I can't even hear a sound

Running harder everyday
Why am I not any farther?
I no longer see that golden light
Setting fire to that horizon
No fire inside my body
No warmth here to enliven

Mind yearning to go to that nothing place
Oh why can't I stay here?!
But laying here, I am nowhere
Can this truly be living?
Hurting everywhere, and feeling nothing too
I don't feel I am real no longer
So am I simply nothing?
Pull The TriggerLoad it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Load it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Do it again
Repeat, repeat
Breathe now
Repeat

I've done this so much before
Could do it in my sleep

Breathe now
In and out
Don't move
Or you'll be beat

Back is breaking, just keep going
Just stay on your feet

Load it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Load it up
Close the action
Aim it
Pull the trigger

Sweat dripping
Can't speak a word
Can't move
Or hardly breathe

If I could, I'd speak my mind
But you won't listen to me

My body's breaking
You can see
But my heart and my mind
Are breaking me

I know I have a talent
But it
LostLost again as on we go
And here we sit, we're all alone
I feel my strength is almost done
I want to bleed until I'm gone

And nothing I could ever write
Would help you understand this life
As love and pain walk on together
This road I see goes on forever

Down and up and down again
This push and pull will never end
So lost and dizzy, on we go
But once again we've lost it all
It StoppedI want to cut out my heart
And watch it stop beating
Lay it underneath the moon
As my soul would start pleading
I'd close my worn eyes
Though I'm no longer dreaming
Which is why I cut out my heart
And watched it stop beating
A loss of lovesMy loves have all left
I can't go on
What shall I do now?
Now that they've all gone

Of fantastical beasts
Worlds of magical feats
And adventures of daring
and tricky deceits

A strum of the strings
A stroke of the keys
Of a heart now set free
No longer silently

Of thoughts brought to life
By weapon of graphite
On a world of two dimensions
My fingers did fight

Lost now without
My lovers divine
Can I fight for them back?
Can I claim what is mine?
TrappedA lost girl trapped alone
In a castle, strong as stone
She couldn't find the key
Couldn't escape and be free
As she struggles to find herself
She gets on a knee to plea
For a Savior to be her knight
She just wants to be free

Her heart may turn to stone
If she's trapped here for too long
The only company she has
Is the melody in her head
It rises from the strings
Up into the sky
She would follow it if she could
But she feels the end is nigh

Why could she not fly
Could not follow the sound
She would rather die
Then stay here on the ground
Alone in her dark confines
She cries alone sometimes
She can't fight the tears no mor
Have you ever met someone?Have you ever met someone
Who felt just like home
Where honesty is not a problem
And your fears are all gone

They can always make you laugh
Always make you smile
You aren't afraid of being weird
You could just hold their hand awhile

Have you ever met someone
Who could brighten your day
Just by looking at you
Just by seeing their face

You know how much of a mess
eachother are
And you still see the best
Of who eachother are

Have you ever met someone
That you love to hold close
Its so hard to say goodbye
And you just can't let go

They may not be what you expected
But they're all you want and more
Others don't understand it
They don't see yo
Fighting the TearsThey fill up oh so quickly
Now I can't see a thing
I know they'll have to fall
I'll try desparatly to cling

One slips out so saadly
My heart drops like a stone
They all fall tumbling down
And again I'm all alone
Take a lookMore than a glance
Less than a stare
From two eyes
With a lot to hide
Secrets within
Never to be told

Take a look at her
But not so harsh
That girl you see
With careful eyes
A gently creature
But only proceed
With great caution

You don't know
What lies beneath the skin
Or the tears that she cries
When she's alone at night
No TraceDoes a heart make a sound as it breaks?
  why not?
Does a tear leave a trail as it falls?
  but why doesn't it last?
Do scars draw eyes?
  do your?
  mine don't

Would it be better if you saw my pain?
Would you stay with me if I broke down in front of you?
  Who would?
Would I be better off if they saw?
  Saw how damaged I am?
  Or would that make it worse?

Once the tears started falling
  Would you stay to wipe them away?
Once the screams rip from my throat
  Would you be able to stay?
  Or would you cover your ears
  Hide from my pain
  I know I can't even listen
Once I start tearing apart
  Would you try to
I don't know what to doI am so lost
Don't know what to do
I am so confused
How do I fix
This problem I bring upon myself
And those dearest to me

I'm lost between two worlds
With a wall in between
Dividing the people
I care about most
It's so hard to leap over
this wall every time
Knowing how much it hurts
to leave someone behind
Not knowing if I'll be welcomed back
with open arms or a smile at all
But I can't leave anyone behind
I'm trying my best to thin this divide

This leaping is painful
I'm ripping in two
My confusion is growing
As my heartache does too

I am so lost
I should just leave them alone
I am too exhausted
To even go on
I'll just crawl in myself
And
Hear MeAttack me with your cruel hands
Over and over
Until I feel completely numb.
Break my bones,
Split my skin,
Like you always do.
Chuck me into my room
Like an unwanted ragdoll.
Leave me there,
To comfort myself.
Just hear me out:
You won’t get away with this.
You’ll be punished.
I know you enjoy this.
Hideous enjoyment you display.
One day
You’ll regret ever laying a hand on me.
You’ll see the monster you’ve become.
I’ll stay in here until tomorrow.
And when you open that door,
When you clench your fist,
I hope you’ll hear me
When I say:
“You evil son of a bitch.”
She gives a Damn.I happened to be collided with today.
I had been walking
When she rammed right into my back
Both of us crashing onto the road.
She had been crying
I still don't know why.
But she seemed to forget as she came
To realize I was hurt
As I noticed she was wounded too.
I let her into the apartment
And fixed up her wounds.
She then bandaged my scrapes.
We communicated through paper
Since she was unable to speak.
Then the devil returned.
I couldn't let her see this.
I told her to escape from my bedroom window
To not come back.
I went to face him
Only to meet his steel fists.
My lip cracked open
Riverbeds of blood formed along my jaw line.
When he lef
To Stay- READ DESCRIPTIONToday mother left.
"Mom, don't go!"
I begged and pleaded,
For her to stay.
She shoved me away from her side,
Screeching "Let go! Get off you filthy brat!"
I was crying so much that
I couldn't make out
Her squinted, angry eyes
Her frightening scowl.
My father dragged me away by the shoulder
And said to me,
"Stop this absurd bawling right now!"
But I could not obey
My cheeks had become red and puffy
As did my confused eyes.
Why was she leaving?
Would she come back?
What did I do?
Father clutched my shoulders and shook me
"Stop that I say!" he roared.
I struggled out of his grasp and ran back to where mom was
Or had been.
Browse More Like This
Download File
TXT, 2.4 KB more ▶

More from ~bleedingAce

TrappedA lost girl trapped alone
In a castle, strong as stone
She couldn't find the key
Couldn't escape and be free
As she struggles to find herself
She gets on a knee to plea
For a Savior to be her knight
She just wants to be free

Her heart may turn to stone
If she's trapped here for too long
The only company she has
Is the melody in her head
It rises from the strings
Up into the sky
She would follow it if she could
But she feels the end is nigh

Why could she not fly
Could not follow the sound
She would rather die
Then stay here on the ground
Alone in her dark confines
She cries alone sometimes
She can't fight the tears no mor
A loss of lovesMy loves have all left
I can't go on
What shall I do now?
Now that they've all gone

Of fantastical beasts
Worlds of magical feats
And adventures of daring
and tricky deceits

A strum of the strings
A stroke of the keys
Of a heart now set free
No longer silently

Of thoughts brought to life
By weapon of graphite
On a world of two dimensions
My fingers did fight

Lost now without
My lovers divine
Can I fight for them back?
Can I claim what is mine?
HateI hate myself
I hate my hair
I hate my face
And what I wear

I hate myself
I hate my mind
My imagination
And all of mankind

I hate myself
I hate my heart
I hate my pain
And how I fall apart

It hurts me when others
Say these things
Yet I feel them often
On poisonous wings
Last HopeYou're my last hope
My last chance
Can you take that pressure?
Can you save me?

This unbearable sadness
That never ends
Haunts me everyday
Choking me now

These attacks of fleeting panic
No reason to be afraid
Yet I can't stop shaking
I can't catch a breath

My attempts at freedom
The knife I held
far too many times
Nearly tasted my blood

I don't want them to know
That would kill me faster
My mask holds me together
Without it, what do I have?

I don't believe in Him
he has never helped me
If he was real
I wouldn't be here on my hands and knees
Begging you please

So what do you think?
You're my last hope you see
You're
Peaceful PainThe crude stitchings
On old wounds
Snap and break away
Cracking slowly apart
Stinging with reborn pain
Piece by piece
Breaking away
To only an empty shell
I wonder why the pieces don't just float away
on the dancing wind
Like dusk swirling peacefully
up to the sun
Toward the golden horizon

Featured in Groups:

Not currently featured in any groups.

Details

November 10, 2012
2.4 KB
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 48
Favourites: 8 [who?]


Views: 95 (0 today)
Downloads: 1 (0 today)
[x]

My Anxiety

:iconbleedingace:

I blush in constant embarrassment
I hide in constant fear
My heart beats faster than yours
My hands will always shake

I agonize over things that happened
Punishment for things I can’t change
I hate myself for being awkward
But I don’t know how to change

I hide when I hear laughing near me
And my heart starts racing faster
I cringe when people stare at me
And my eyes bore into the ground
‘I feel sick.  I’m not worth being there.’

I can’t use a computer with a webcam
I can’t use a phone that talks
I fear the cruel txt messages
Flashing back to my old life
“Ur so stupid. You actually believed that?! XD”
“Your creepy ugly”

I hate eating in front of people
And sometimes shake when I force myself to

I hate using a public restroom
And I don’t dare check myself in the mirror

I can’t sit in the middle of the class
‘Too many people’
‘Too crowded’
‘Too open’
‘They must be watching me’
‘I can’t hide’

I can’t go shopping
‘What if I see someone I know?’
‘People watch me pick stuff out’
‘I know they stare’
‘I know they’re judging me’

I can’t talk to a stranger
I can’t fill the silence
So now you think I’m weird
I just don’t know what to say
So I don’t say anything

I’m afraid of those close to me
‘They don’t really like me’
‘They only pity me’


I’m scared
I’m nervous
I’m shaking
I’m convulsing
Heart thumping out of my chest
It’s trying to bust out.
It’s burning in my chest
My throat searing
I can’t breathe
I can’t get a full breath
My chest feels so tight
I want to rip my ribs off
Gasping faster
Gasping harder
I have to move
I can’t stay still
I only see strange looks
Through my tunnel vision
Help Me! I’m Scared!
Now…I’m panicking
:iconbleedingace:
So this is inspired by what I call my paranoid social anxiety. I don’t really know what it is. I’m just kind of a mess xP I once said that I’m more paranoid and anxious than people realize. And someone answered “Probably.” So this is the best description of it that I could do though I feel like I left stuff out. :blushes: I’m really branching out here to complete honesty, because I guess I kinda want people to know, so please don’t judge me >.< But feel free to tell me what you think!

So, on some level I know people aren’t always watching me and judging me and whatever. It’s just these little thoughts that keep popping up and nagging and they don’t go away until on some level I don’t exactly believe them…but yet I kind of do… :confused: idk its hard to explain. Some of those thoughts are the ones in single quotes ‘ ’ (cuz I couldn’t figure out how to italicize :blushes:)
And it really isn’t always so bad it’s just times when it’s triggered then it acts up really bad for several days sometimes over a week. Usually isn’t so severe. And almost nonexistent when I’m with my friends.
(and I know I said I was gonna hold off on the poetry >.< Dammit! :stupidme: )
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment
:iconthisordinarychick:
~ThisOrdinaryChick Jan 17, 2013
Very well written!
Reply
:iconbleedingace:
~bleedingAce Jan 19, 2013
Thank you very much!
Reply
:iconeetthechildrenraw:
*EetTheChildrenRAW Nov 11, 2012
:hugs:
Reply
:iconbleedingace:
~bleedingAce Nov 12, 2012
Yay! i lurv hugs :icondummyhugplz:
Reply
:iconeetthechildrenraw:
*EetTheChildrenRAW Nov 12, 2012
:blush: me too!
Reply
:iconbleedingace:
~bleedingAce Nov 13, 2012
Hugs are good tho! :icondummybounceplz:
Reply
:iconfoganddreams:
~FogandDreams Nov 11, 2012
beautiful poem :hug: i love it and srry i have not been on in while but i had no wifi where i was hunting and dont hit yourselft with a hammer you emote you! lol
Reply
:iconbleedingace:
~bleedingAce Nov 11, 2012
XP
Reply
:iconfoganddreams:
~FogandDreams Nov 11, 2012
XD :glomp: i glomped you!
Reply
:iconbleedingace:
~bleedingAce Nov 11, 2012
I c that lolz! :iconninjaglompplz: :iconchwomp:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment
©2013 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Developers | Careers | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Premium Membership Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy